Last year I wrote a blog post titled “Mothers Day and a Tough Weekend”. I can laugh now because my idea of a tough time then is much different than now. Earlier this week Soren had surgery. It was a safe and routine surgery but he ended up having reactions to the anesthesia (we think)….
In all the years I’ve been a Mom I have never been great at saying yes. Obviously, from time to time I “let loose” and give in to whatever they request but it is never easy for me.
You see, I am the keeper of the tribe. The CEO, the healer, the accountant, the supervisor, the nourisher, the mender, and the entertainer. I keep a close watch on everything and carry the weight of it all. I don’t know how or why it is this way but it just is. From what I see around me and from past generations it is not an uncommon phenomenon for the Mother to lead in this way.
I find it amusing that, as a mother, I spend so much time manufacturing family moments. When I was a child and I experienced these moments, or even when I saw it on television and movies, I thought it was a natural process. Moments that were happily spontaneous and untouchable. Turns out they are touched all over by the Momma in the house. I am the architect of our memories.
Some days I take stock of the sheer amount of work I need to accomplish in a day. Today, for example, I have so much to do. The laundry is piling up, the kitchen is destroyed, there are toys, shoes, clothes, and other random household items all over the various floors in my house. There are at least a few hours of cleaning to get down. I am exhausted because my husband went away for the weekend and I work a bizarre 3 hour middle of the night shift which leaves me zombie-like for days.
I am just so tired and have so much to do. But – it is going to get so so much worse and I have no idea how I will handle it.
Yesterday my 10-year-old asked me if she could join a social media app. I was equal parts horrified and excited for her. Joining the world of social media has become a rite of passage in our society. It is expected that, at some point, everyone will log onto – to something anyhow. I felt very uncomfortable with the idea of allowing my daughter to branch out into the internet world but after a lot of thought and carefully enforced rules, we have made the decision to allow her.